Strides Interactive

A real man or a real loser?Filed Under: Weekly Tuesday Dose of goodness

Hi all,

Again, this week I’ll not be talking about technical articles directly. Rather, I’ll discuss this weird behavior of programmers that I’ve come across.

Naturally, not all programmers are like what I’ll describe later in my post and I’m sure that many are good-natured, nice and intelligent folks.

So, what is about programmers that relates to a real man or a real loser?

Read on…

Introduction

To be honest, this post doesn’t just apply to programmers. It applies to many people as well. If what I said later hits a nail on your head, perhaps it’s time to think about whether do you still wish to continue to be a loser or face up reality and be a real man.

Real losers?

What’s the fuss about this anyway? Well, I’ve met too many people that will always try to defend their own work, beliefs or whatever. This is natural and people have all the rights to defend what they value. This is absolutely normal and acceptable in most cases.

But some cases are simple absurd.

Perhaps it’s just me. Perhaps it’s just my imposing or domineering way of challenging people that caused them to react this way.

If so, then they probably can still get away with it.

With all these aside, let’s take a look at the real losers then. Who are the real losers? First of all, this group of individuals believe in something that doesn’t really exist or at least, not proven to exist. Mind you, I’m NOT referring to any faith or religion.

What I’m referring to is the conversion of unrealistic beliefs into real-life beliefs. Sources include - comics, novels, storybooks, magzines, or influential books on motivation. They’ll be many more but I won’t be listing everything.

The deal is simple, I read a comic for example, I become a big fan of it, I believe in it, and this slowly becomes my reality. What happens next?

Well… when you talk to these kind of people, first of all, whatever they say will more or less be based on the context or world they live in. Nothing can convince them or even pique their slightest interest in listening further. These people live in a fake world of self-deception, much alike zealots in the programming world, extremists that believe that their language is the only language that will succeed.

These people are the real losers.

Let me cite another example which is probably encountered more often that these fakers.

How many times have you entered into an argument or discussion with a certain person that he/she always end up backing himself/herself up using big names?

Let’s take a look at this simple discussion here:

Me: Finally, I’ve gotten my degree!
Loser: Big deal, I’ve gotten mine too.
Me: But mine’s a degree with honours!
Loser: So what? My friend has Masters already!

… a few years later

Me: Yes! I’ve finally gotten my Masters!
Loser: Big deal, MY other friend has just gotten his doctorate.

… a few years later

Me: I’ve done it! I’m finally a doctor!
Loser: Yeah yeah, my best friend is now a boss of a company. Do you want to work for him?

… a few years later

Me: Oh hi! I’m holding my reception party to celebrate our first profitable year in business!
Loser: I see. Mr “Some big business guy” has closed a 10 million deal you know.

Phew!!! Get the drift? No matter how much you’ve achieved, how hard you’ve tried, you’ll always be put down. Yes I know, I don’t have to be affected by these losers. But having them around you sucks too.

Donald Trump once said - if you mix with losers you’ll end up a loser.

I sincerely believe in what he say and these people will eventually erode your passion, ambition and even the will to succeed while they try to overtake you from behind.

These group of people - are indeed the real losers.

Real man?

When I talk about a real man, it’s not exactly gender biased. What I’m referring here is actually having the guts to admit one’s own short-comings as opposed to hiding them by citing a greater achiever as well as putting others who are obviously superior, down just because one can’t do the same.

First of all, we must understand that we do not have all the choices in the world, neither do we have no choices at all. The difference is in the range of choices that we have. If we understand this range and make full use of the choices available to us, we all have nothing to hide.

Therefore, for one to be a real person, he/she must first acknowledge his/her own:

1) Weaknesses to know what to avoid.
2) Strengths to know what to go for (or how to market self),
3) Threats to know what to look out for, and
4) Opportunities to know when to go for it.

SWOT analysis of self? Hell yeah.

Mutual encouragement, mutual respect and agreeing to disagree are all simple behaviors that we all can adopt for a more positive outlook. Take the conversation for example:

Me: Finally, I’ve gotten my degree!
Winner: That’s great! Congratulations!
Me: Mine’s a degree with honours!
Winner: I see. Do you intend to look for a job now?
Me: Yeah, any recommendations?
Winner: What are your strengths and your goals then?

It’s the same conversation with a different outcome. Not only did the winner got my respect, the winner is slowly pulling me into revealing things of myself, ie, my goals and my presumed strengths. Who knows? The winner might actually be my prospective boss! And if I’m a real talent, the winner stands to gain far more by being positive rather than dismissive.

Relating to developers

So how does it relate to developers? Well, it’s the same. Developers have the common problem of putting too much pride in their work. While it’s good to be proud of own’s baby, it’s also counter-productive if one is overly proud and protective of own’s work.

Sometimes, too much defending deviates the original argument and can potentially skip some very critical or important points that might help alleviate the problem instead.

I seldom see a developer admit his or her own mistakes and then take time to reflect upon it.

Most of the time, I see defensiveness, or patronizing behavior or even a oops-hack-it-and-fix-it kind of attitude. What is this? A real loser!

Conclusion

A real loser cannot be defined simply by one party. It takes two to make one a real loser. Why?

If I’m unreasonable, extremely imposing, always interrupt without listening and always ask in a very domineering fashion, then I’m no different from a real loser.

Likewise, if I’ve asked reasonable questions and have gotten reasonable answers or explanations, then I should know when to rest my case. If there’re concerns, then it should just be concerns and not assertions.

Lastly, people should learn how to listen (not just hearing) more than talk.

With that, I wish everyone a good week ahead!

Signing off,
Jeremy